‘My Experience With Bullying’
(You may need to voom in to read it all)
Bullying for me has been a major issue in my life, so I have decided to share my experience with you all..
It all started in grade 3, I don’t really remember much but what I do remember is everyone being incredibly mean to me. I tried my hardest to be nice to those in my class and in the yard but it never worked out. I had 2 friends, boys, who were twins. We used to always play Soccer and Football together on the oval during lunch and recess.. I never knew that it was just a breeding ground for me to get harassed everyday of the week. These kids were older than me, way older; they were in grades 4, 5, 6 and 7. Half of them were in my actual class, where as the others were not.
Every lunch and recess I would be super excited to run around and play with a huge group of people until it lead to me being pushed around and getting called names. I don’t remember when it all started or how but anyway, they used to kick balls in my face, punch me, kick me, push me and just harass me with a whole group of people. I was stupid enough to go back there everyday - thinking that it was a one time thing.
I remember a few incidents in class where a boy called Jack pushed me so as a reflex I grabbed onto his shirt for balance but I accidentally ripped his shirt pocket.. he basically punched me square in the face and kicked me in the leg. There was also another incident where he threw a chair in my face.
The bullying went on for ages. I was completely miserable everyday at school. I always used to get in trouble for saying stuff to them back because there was a huge group of them they would always lie. I never told my parents anything though. I was also stupid enough to think that these twin boys were my actual friends but what I didn’t notice was that they would always laugh and join in.
In grade 4 I went onto the oval again, the same people crowding me. All I can remember was them all teasing me and the circle suddenly had a big gap.. in a blink of an eye I was on the ground, my heading aching and I found myself crying. A boy run into me, pushing me over and I fell to the ground, head first.
In grade 5 everything started to settle down until my whole entire class wouldn’t talk to me, they always ignore me. I stopped being friends with the twin boys and I found myself being bullied by other people in my class and some of the same people. I found myself running and crying everyday in the girls toilets because I felt so alone. I found myself getting into fights, actual punch ups with girls. I felt unhappy with myself.
In grade 7, I went up to my PE teacher, telling him nobody wanted to be my partner for an activity we were doing. He said something that hurt me so much.. he said ‘you’re not nice to anybody, Dennise, that’s why nobody wants to be your partner.’ and he also said ‘We all know Dennise isn’t particularly nice’ in front of my entire class. He had no idea why I was like that.. it still actually pops up in my mind today. It makes me feel worthless.
We have all been the bully before and I can surely admit to it. I used to bully people because I thought it was the right thing to do. Seeing people bully me everyday made me feel this hatred for myself, my self esteem was at a low. I contemplated suicide a lot for example, whenever a car went by I would just think to myself ‘what would happened if I just jumped onto on going traffic?’
I never resulted in self harm, although I had all the right to do so. My life sucked, people hated me, I was always getting bashed and getting told that I’m fat, ugly, unwanted etc.
I do still get bullied today and I’m in 8th grade. It really is hard because not many people know this apart from those who had done it. I walk past some of those people in my high school today and I feel so utterly angry.. I feel like punching them and yelling at them telling them how much they ruined my entire life.
I never had a childhood.
I have also been told to kill myself twice. I hated life, I really did. I was filled with this constant negativity everyday. I never felt safe. I wish I could have changed it all, stuck up for myself more and found more friends. Ever since all of that happened I never went on the oval ever again.. every time I went to the same place all these memories would just rush back into my mind, it was like my nightmare all over again.. it was the worst.
There was a recent incident in my Home Economics class on Friday, the 21st of September. A girl was being incredibly rude to me so I just went up to my friends and started talking to them. My teacher called me outside, ordering me to pick up papers because I wasn’t doing anything during the lesson. I tried explaining to her what had happened but she wouldn’t listen to me.. I found myself yelling over the top of her to get my point across. Once she had heard me she started blaming me for getting bullied, I broke down crying in front of her, making a huge scene in front of 2 classes while they sat at the windows and watched. She doesn’t even understand what I have been through, all this torment over the years and she just has the right to blame me for all of this? I immediately ran into the girls toilets to just cry my eyes out. Once again, I felt helpless like nobody cared. This was like my childhood again but instead of people calling me a failure, it was my own teacher. I’m still actually really upset about this and I haven’t gotten it out of my mind since.
If I were to write every single incident that has happened over the course of 5 years then I’d be here for years typing this. These are just some of the major ordeals that have happened.
I actually haven’t had any friends until year 7, but there was other problems to that I just can’t be bothered writing down.
If you have any questions about bullying or you need advice, feel free to ask me. :)posted