egberts:

“3.5 servings per can”
me, eating the whole can: interesting

8hy:

i would get married solely for the dress and the attention 

nepetaleijons:

when u make a mistake

enlargers:

“can i ask you something?” my immediate reply says “go for it" but my mind has already gone through the seven stages of grief

universequartz:

in cutthroat kitchen the challenge in spaghetti and meatballs and this guy buys a sabotage to take away all of 1 ingredient from any chef. so he takes away this lady’s garlic. and everyone’s like “why the fuck did you not take her pasta” and he’s like “i know what i’m doing”. when the judge gets to that lady’s dish (and this was her only sabotage) he’s like “this is really underseasoned i’m not tasting any garlic or seasonings you’d expect from spaghetti and meatballs” and the camera just zooms in on the guy grinning. goddamn

redloftwingfeathers:

*seductively takes DS stylus out of mouth like a cigarette* So… i heard you like Pokemon…..

gillfeesh:

blvckberrysweetsin:

If you ever wonder what goes on at Nike once the store closes…

HOW MANY PEOPLE WORK THERE OMG

petermaximoff:

herovigilante:

phdna:

velmakinkley:

“be careful with my emotional baggage,” i say. “it’s designer.”

“be careful with mine, its vintage.”

Captain America: Civil War (2016)